The overlooked aspects of a fruitful conversation : MindsetOpediaDMHC Blogs

"A conversation is so much more than words: a conversation is eyes, smiles, the silences between words."

- Annika Thor, 'A Faraway Island’.

A conversation can be thought of as an exchange of ideas, thoughts, and messages that flows naturally. Most of us hear ourselves saying that we love deep conversations. These ‘deep conversations’ could be about anything, you name it. It could be about astrology, science, politics, society or life in general. 

Certain conversations leave us feeling stimulated and fulfilled at the same time. We feel as if we were able to dig out all of our thoughts about the matter and put it on the table without thinking about being judged, like we got to learn and gain a totally fresh perspective and that we felt wholly present in the moment.

Besides the subject being of interest, what makes a conversation fruitful? 

A conversation is as much about listening, as it is about talking and maybe even more about being open to a new perspective. More precisely stated by Dalai Lama, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Active listening is about listening to know and not to respond. 

Sometimes, in certain conversations, it is easy to get caught up in how we want to respond to what is being said. We are all guilty of getting distracted by our own thoughts during conversations but then, we miss the point. We could potentially fail to take notice and learn from the source in front of us. Instead, trying to give one’s whole-hearted attention to the human in front of them, without getting our response ready side-by-side and simply responding with whatever comes naturally, can lead to the conversation flowing smoothly. 

A learner can never be rigid in their thought process. The moment one becomes fixated on a specific point of view, they stop learning. If one enters a conversation or any experience, for that matter, thinking that they already know what is to be known about the subject matter, they create a mental block for themselves which tends to restrict them from being open-minded and attempting to understand what is being said. If we possess the values of being constant learners and wanting to grow each day, being open to the other person’s perspective, even if it seems to be a total flip side of our own can be a fine quality to have. 

Each of us, being wired as a social being looking for validation, want to be heard. The calmness of being able to say everything on your mind without hesitating or getting interrupted is a pleasure we all seek. If this is what we seek, it is what we should practice too. In a conversation, letting the other person complete their story without breaking their chain of thought through our verbal or non-verbal communication is yet another piece to the puzzle of making any conversation fruitful. When one is able to speak their mind fully, they feel satisfied having gotten to say everything they wanted to say, without having any lingering thoughts later. This makes one more receptive and open to taking in what is being said by the other party. It's almost like emptying a jar before you try to fill it again. 

Going in line with letting the other person complete is the habit of equating our story with the incident being shared. With all good, we might be trying to validate the speaker but, on occasions, it becomes more uncomfortable than it is validating. Every individual is unique and every individual’s experiences are also unique. It is really special to be able to give the other person the space to share their story and give it the value it deserves. 

We, as a collective consciousness, have had and will have an uncountable number of conversations in our lives, each one making us feel a different way. With each of us being such uniquely curated human beings who have had such distinctive experiences, values and goals, none of these exchanges will be identical. The next time you have a conversation that leaves you feeling fulfilled and content, give some time to ponder upon what made it special. 

By, Arushi Suri

Council Member

WICCIDMHC