BOUNDARIES WITHIN FAMILIES : MindsetOpediaDMHC Blogs

We are a generation of people who have grown up watching Sooraj Bharjatya’s idea of a perfect family on our big screens. The idea tends to fascinate us, even when we understand it is quite difficult to put into practice. These flawed ideas can create unrealistic expectation that are hardly met. Our families don’t resemble to the families we see on our television and unlike the reel life, we have to do something about it.

We may love our families deeply and there is no denying the many benefits that a family offers to us. Not to forget that having a family is a privilege is a matter of privilege. Despite these advantages, privileges and unconditional love, our families can sometimes be a source of problem to us. These contribute to mental and emotional distress as behaviors of other family members can be abusive, toxic or manipulative. Such stressful interpersonal relationships at home, which is considered an otherwise relaxed environment, can penetrate negativity into life.

It is important to identify the warning signs of such behavior that can be considered toxic. Here is a non-exhaustive list to highlight what categorizes as problematic behavior in families:

Your family picks on your weakness(es).

Familial relationships are deeply close relationships where people may or may not live in close proximity. In such living situations, family members know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. At times, family members can use these to make you feel insecure about yourself or embarrass you in front of others.

Your family is controlling.

There are many adults in families that, in an attempt to do what is best for the child, tries to control their life. This can take many forms like choosing a particular stream of studies for their child and forcing them to pursue that or persuading you to make life decisions that you may not be comfortable with doing.

Your family accepts abusive behavior.

When we think of abuse, we think mostly along the lines of sexual or physical abuse. While this is wrong for obvious reasons, abuse can also be categorized as mental or emotional abuse. The family member who is responsible for such an abuse is at fault and others who encourage this behavior are complicit in the act.

If you feel you encounter these issues on a daily basis, then here is a short guide on how you can remedy this situation at home by setting healthy boundaries at home.

Boundaries in a family can help in development of thriving and positive relationships in a family setting. These are mutually beneficial boundaries that help both the parties involved. Open communication to lay basic ground rules is important as it will enable a healthy and clear conversation about the matter. Confrontations can turn ugly and it is a good idea to avoid it as it may be counterproductive. Start by defining your needs from the relationship and ask what they require from you These set clear expectations. Remember that this is an ongoing process and it will not just happen in one sitting. The said expectations can be a point of contention so try to find common grounds to resolving these conflicts.

It is about time that we ditch the myth of a perfect family and work on bettering what we already got.

By,

Aditi Gupta

Council Member

WICCI-DMHC