Agreeableness: A necessary tool for personality development in children -MindsetOpediaNPWC Blogs

Agreeableness: A necessary tool for personality development in children, how is it different from

people pleasing behavior?

By, Dr. Stuti Kumar ( Consultant Neuro- Psychologist ), Council Member

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If agreeableness is one of your child’s strongest personality traits, you are probably popular and have a propensity for making friends quickly. Your children might also come across as being dependable, charitable, truthful, modest, sympathetic, and cooperative.

One of the Big Five personality qualities, which hold that there are five main aspects to personality, is agreeableness. Each dimension is considered as a continuum, so even if one

trait—like agreeableness—is prominent in your personality, the other four traits are also present to some extent.

Up until adulthood, agreeableness tends to rise gradually. It's normal for children and teenagers to have depressed moods from time to time, especially around puberty. Even so, though, some teens will react to problems in their environment with greater composure than others.

A child who strongly leans towards agreeableness is very people-oriented. He or she will be very outgoing, enjoy interacting with others in groups, be a natural affectionate person, and find working with others to be quite simple. Low-scoring students typically struggle

with social skills, avoid group interactions, have a low level of confidence in others, and have trouble interacting well with others.

The majority of people fall somewhere between these two extremes. Although agreeableness provides many benefits, there are also some drawbacks to take into account. Again, it's crucial to keep in mind that the majority of children possess more than one personality trait, and occasionally, the majority will change.

For instance, pleasant children may find it difficult to express their preferences, requirements, and wants. They have trouble making difficult choices or showing tough love. And when it comes to their social environments, they could be so focused on advancing others that they neglect to make plans for their own growth.

Then lies my question .. how is it different from people pleasing behavior?

Being agreeable is generally considered a positive trait. However, it can get to a point when agreeableness becomes people-pleasing and starts to have negative consequences on

over all personality development of the children.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a people-pleaser is defined as:

“A person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.” 

Which is one of the key differences between a personality trait

and emotions driven behavior. There is a very thin line between behavioral instincts which are developed as a trauma coping mechanisms and an actual inbuilt personality trait that is biological in nature.

People-pleasing is a behavior that can easily be rationalized which makes it hard to spot and change. Oftentimes, children will rationalize their people-pleasing by saying: “I am just

selfless,” or “I am a giver,” or “I believe strongly in being of service to others.” Of course, selflessness and service to others are virtues, but people-pleasing is different because it involves avoiding uncomfortable emotions and self-neglect. 

Knowing that people-pleasing is very common, a healthy conversation with your child can definitely shed light to self-love virtues that can lead to healthy mental growth. Since it is driven by irrational thoughts and beliefs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT) are helpful to identify negative thought patterns and

understand their impact on your child’s feelings and behavior's.