ACCEPT, IN ORDER TO LET GO - MindsetOpediaDMHC Blogs

Life can sometimes be a series of disappointments. Unexpected events can wreck our plans and no matter how hard we try, things may not work out sometimes. We may be guilty of setting a trap for our own unhappiness by not keeping our expectations in check and delusionally thinking that we can control what happens to us.

The one thing that the past two years have taught us is that an unexpected turn of events can totally ruin our plans and as much as we would love to think, we don't have control over everything that happens to us. It is in times like these that the right way of looking at things can help us suffer less.

According to the Buddha, suffering is like being shot by two arrows - the first being physical pain, and the second being mental pain. It is the second arrow that causes us the most suffering. When we attach meaning and emotion to the being struck, and the narratives that we spin in our minds about whether we deserved it or not, that suffering is the most painful.

We build the shackles of suffering in our own minds by continuing to question a certain turn of events and shaking our fist at the sky, questioning “Why me?”. This self-pity leads us into a downward spiral which is often a bottomless pit, and it becomes difficult for us to truly “let go”. Acceptance begins the moment you decide to focus on what is under your control and what simply isn't. However, acceptance is often falsely perceived as a passive way of giving up in the face of adversity or thinking that we can magically forget a painful situation. It is actually, quite the opposite. Accepting a negative experience or emotion takes courage and is quite uncomfortable. Accepting that a problem exists in the first place, however, will pave the way for its solution.

Acceptance has often been talked about in various philosophies such as Buddhism and the ancient Greek philosophy of Stoicism. In fact, one of the main tenets of Stoic philosophy is learning to have an honest understanding of what we control and what we do not. German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche beautifully used the Latin term ‘Amor Fati’ meaning love of one's fate, to explain the concept of unconditional acceptance of all of life and its experiences. Nietzsche wrote that “My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, but love it.”

Acceptance is a way of keeping ourselves anchored in reality and choosing to look at things from the right perspective. It has the ability to set you free from unnecessary suffering. Acceptance also allows you to move forward and take an active role in your life in order to bring a positive change. Instead of blaming a person/situation that hurt us, learning to accept that it is us who are ultimately choosing to hold onto the pain, can set us up on a journey of being more cognizant of the way we respond to or think about certain situations in the future. Acceptance can give us the chance to think from a different perspective like “What can I learn from this situation?” “What has this experience taught me?” “Has it made me stronger in a way?”

Practice acceptance takes time and can be discomforting at first. It's not easy to change your previous thought patterns. But once incorporated into your life, acceptance can lead you to develop healthier perspectives in difficult situations and can be an essential coping skill that could help you to truly let go of the suffering you are holding onto.

Written by: Sanskriti Kapoor

Council Member - WICCIDMHC